Girls Trippin’-why women put each other down

Guys, I am so thankful for all the love you shared with me yesterday and on this fourth day on blogmas, I would love for us to talk about why women put each other down. I mean if the future is female then why are we so busy, putting each other down?

I have been living in Nairobi for close to three years and the creative industry here as bloggers, vloggers etc reeks of this kind of vibe! Is this the same for you where you are? Before we continue, I must point out that this blogmas is not a monologue, it is a  dialogue so do not hesitate to let me know your honest thoughts in the comment section.

So why do women tear each other down really?


The Mirror Syndrome

As I was watching the Red Table Talk episode on girls trippin’. I came to understand that the core reason why women put each other down is that they are getting back what exactly they are putting out. I understand that we are living in a society that glorifies catfights and envoke nasty emotions of anger, jealousy, and resentment when another woman wins. We have shows like Real Housewives of Atlanta and Nairobi Diaries that echo all these bad vibes. It is such an ugly sight.



I cannot say how much timing plays a role when it comes to why women tear each other down. It is not in vogue ladies, it’s tasteless fashion. We need to sit down and wait for our turn. Sad as it is, we are so busy working for instant gratification. As millennials, we want to become famous for stepping on each other’s toes and defaming those who are doing better than us. Basically, we are drinking the poison and hoping that the other person will die. I bet you didn’t know that Meghan Markle met Prince Harry through her friend at an appointed time. I don’t think her friend goes around announcing how she’s responsible for their royal wedding. Do you get my drift?

The way forward

We can agree to disagree on why women put each other down but we have to do something about it. My friend shared a quote with me that says,” Being nice to someone you dislike for one reason or another does not necessarily mean you are fake. It means you’re mature enough to understand that not everyone thinks the way you think, knows the things you know or acts the way you would act. Empathy is the highest sign of intelligence.”

My mama bear always says to work hard in silence and apologize later for keeping it a secret. The Law of ambition states that the level of excellence you want to achieve requires a level of obsession that everyone may not get. And at the end of the day, haters are going to hate.

Ladies, there you have it on why we put each other down? I hope we can change the status quo and honestly hope we can make being real and loyal cool again?

Is there anything I have left out below, please let me know What your two cents are on why women put each other down?




  1. I think women also put each other down because even if they don’t want to accept it, there’s a part of them that feels bad when other women are doing well and they aren’t. A kind of “Why her and not me” situation.
    Women refuse to see how good their own lives are, how blessed …. and instead want what their peers have. And I guess that brings us back to the point of self-hatred.

    • Patsy Mugabi

      I think at the end of the day the onus is on us to do the most difficult calculation, Counting our blessings. Thank you, Chuch.

  2. Great topic! I never thought it was cool to put other women down but it is something I have always seen happening around me. I agree that I had something to do with self hatred & not wanting to see someone do better than you. That’s the wrong type of energy to put out ! Love conquers all.

  3. Every time I stop by, there’s something new for me, some take outs worth my time. Thanks for your contribution in this amazing art of writing, I looove what you do and how you do it!!

  4. It is very unfortunate that society glorifies this, however, let us as women be mature enough to fight it. In that spirit, you write well and engage your readers as you deal with realistic topics. Keep Queening.

    • Patsy Mugabi

      Thank you so much for your honest two cents, Constance!We get to change this!

    • Patsy Mugabi

      Yes Feona, thank you for making the time to stop by! Here’s to having more difficult conversations!

    • Patsy Mugabi

      Maria Juliet, I couldn’t agree more with you! And the best part of it is that it starts with us !

  5. Great piece! Boldly stated.. Unfortunately we are constantly feeding the step-on-her-so-she-doesn’t-step-on-you mentality yet it only kills our joy. Women are each other’s greatest support system, as long as they are secure in themselves. A great starting point is working on our inner security & peace.

  6. Very interesting discussion. I have seen a mother put down her own daughter. Not step-daughter or in-law. But a ‘she-has-my-pointy-nose’ daughter.

    Turns out that the girl had become the centre of attention in the family. Her mum works hard, makes sacrifices and goes that extra mile for the family, yet no one saw it. It was only natural that she became toxic to the daughter.

    I think we should appreciate each other more, knowing that men cannot understand us in the same way. Take focus off ourselves and look out for the sisters that are not rising as they should; perhaps offer them a hand.

    • Patsy Mugabi

      Wow Hannah!This is such an amazing way to put things!Honestly.that story left me dumbfounded.I echo what you said on that part of shifting our focus!Thank you for sharing.

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